Aaaaa...choooooo!!!

I have a cold
The cadillac was sold
Jack is old
Fun was foretold
His party uncontrolled
The dogs were bold
I was consoled
My tissues I hold
And now my story is all told.

Can You Say Three Day Weekend????

Life in the Farm

Stupidity # 1 - 15 minutes after you get to your desk, you realize you forgot deodorant. (Needless to say, I'm going home at lunch.)

Stupidity # 2 - you've been carrying around your son's Tamagotchi on your belt loops for 4 days now, because you forgot about it last week and the virtual pet died. Fellow cube farmers think you are more crazy than last week. (I didn't think that was possible.)

Stupidity # 3 - you forget the password you just reset YESTERDAY and have to call back to the help desk to get it reset again, confirming that only by writing it down will you remember, therefore violating all the company privacy laws. You then decide to write everything completely backwards, hoping no one figures it out, or has a mirror.

Stupidity # 4 - you find out you are being moved on the 23rd of February to the 4th floor from the 5th floor, then back up to the 5th floor 3 days later, but they don't know where yet, they are just sure it's not the same cube.
Sigh.

All I can say is Thank God it is Friday.

Becky Homecky Volume 6 How to do your Taxes

1. Spend several months lecturing your spouse, who is newly self employed, about the importance of saving receipts.
2. In November, start freaking out regarding Tax Season approaching.
3. Remind spouse weekly and sometimes, daily about the importance of saving receipts.
4. Start having panic attacks in January regarding 1099 and w-2's arriving.
5. Set aside ENTIRE WEEKEND in February to do taxes.
6. Take soothing herbal teas for a whole week before the Tax Weekend and check wine stock to be sure there's plenty. Also, send spouse to update Social Security records so the social matches the name because otherwise, WE CAN'T FILE ONLINE. That, would totally suck.
7. Go out and have a couple glasses of wine the night before and live in complete denial of what lies in wait the next day.
8. Wake up early and start sorting receipts.
9. Keep sorting and matching to credit card statements, picking up the dog every 5 minutes because she HAS TO BE IN YOUR LAP when you are sitting in your office chair.
10. Praise Allah when your spouse walks up and hands you a giant stack of receipts he had kept in his clipboard.
11. Jump to let the other dog out every 5 minutes because he keeps seeing BUNNIES in the yard and rings the bells to go out, which, after years of training, also means I HAVE to let him out, or he will forget what the damn bells are there for.
12. Yell at spouse to put the effing dogs in their kennels or you will eat them for lunch.
13. Spend the next 3 hours firmly attached to office chair and muddle through online tax program, thanking God that you can access everyone's old information through the saved files on your desktop.
14. Curse program because WHY DOES IT HAVE TO CHANGE EVERY YEAR?????
15. Realize you are getting money BACK (WOOHOO!!!) because months of lectures paid off and spouse saved every receipt possible down to the $1.02 cash receipt from the hardware store. That, and the fact that mileage is deductible at 48.5 cents per mile means spouse can make money just driving around the block.
16. File online.
17. Get notification that you have to file on PAPER because the IRS says your birthdate doesn't match their records, neither does your spouses name match his social because GOD FORBID if they update their records!!!
And finally
18. Call travel agent and arrange post-tax season trip to anywhere else but home because, dammit, you deserve it!!

Overheard Conversations While Shopping

Setting:
Michael's Craft Store
Looking for Crap For Class Valentines

Jack: Look! Scented candles!

Amy: (distractedly) We have tons of candles at home.

Jack: Cool, I want one for my room.

Amy: (still distracted) Sure, honey.

Jack: I want to raise the dead.


Leave it to the boy to render me and the clerk at the store completely speechless.

It's Winter!

Another Monday has come around and winter has finally reached us. We took advantage on Friday night and went sledding with the boys. We were the only people there, it was great! They both kept going over the one jump and landing on the hard, frozen, packed snow, rolling off the sleds and laying on the ground, spread eagle, waiting for their breath to come back and they could move. You could hear the "OOMPH" from all the way up the hill. Todd and I just kept laughing and laughing, partly because they just kept running up the hill and doing it over and over. Jack kept saying, "Your turn, Mom!" and after they were worn out, I gave it a go. I was the highlight of the evening since I went over the jump, and may I stress *I* went over the jump. Unfortunately, the sled hit the edge of the jump and I kept going, I think I made it about 4 feet in the air and stopped about 20 feet away from the jump. Leave it to me to cause the children to laugh so hard they both looked like they were going to pee in their snowpants. And people say I'm no fun!

Saturday, I sent the boys to the movies so I could clean the house. They saw Nanny McPhee and Jack didn't like it at all. Ross thought it was fine. Todd...well, Todd didn't say anything, so no thumbs up for this flick. I just read the synopsis and it looks kind of interesting, I'll have to find out why Jack didn't like it. Maybe the "dark and witty" were either too dark or the wit too dry.

We had Todd's mom, brother, and nephews over for dinner Saturday and we soon found out, when I hooked up Nephew's iPod to the computer (yes, I know, glutton for punishment!! I was hoping he was going to start requesting 80's metal bands, ok???!!!) that Todd had killed the computers. He got this GREAT NEW PROGRAM that will CLEAN OUT all of the EXTRA CRAP on our computers. Well, now they both are having massive issues and some Microsoft Installer pops up every time you open a folder or program and it spins for about 30 seconds before you can do anything. I couldn't get my mp3 player to even talk to the computer, so...um...yeah, I really want a laptop with a big LOCK and maybe sirens that go off if someone touches it besides me. I think Todd is calling in the big guns (ie, my dad) to help him fix them. Sigh. I love you, Todd, I really, really, do. But, I don't want to share computers with you. I'll share my bed, my children, my taxes, my retirement, my dinner, and even my grave plot, but my computer? I think that's where the line will have to be drawn.

As I sit here in the farm looking at the skyline of New York pre-September 2001, (BOY! Doing that sky must have SUCKED!! Yes, yes it really did.) I'm thinking the rest of my cube decor is somehow lacking. I need wallpaper, or something. This gigantic puzzle is just consuming my whole cube.

If anyone suggests a second puzzle, I will haunt you forever.

Becky Homecky Volume 5 How to Fight Aging

Ok, this picture has nothing to do with the rest of the post, but I just found it and needed to share.

How To Fight Aging

1. Eat your vegetables
2. Get Plenty of Rest
3. Do NOT, under any circumstances, carry on a music conversation with anyone more than 5 minutes younger than you

Setting:
Amy's kitchen, about 7pm.
Participants:
Amy age 34
Reed age 11

Reed: Hey, Can I copy some of your music off of your computer onto my iPod?

Amy: Sure, most of my stuff is on my mp3 player at work, but I'm sure you can find something. (She set him up, opens music files)

Reed: WOW! You have Styx?!

Amy: Um, it's not mine, I think that's from Ross.

Reed: Awesome!!! You have The Who!

Amy: Oh. My. God.

Reed: Cool!!! Oh, I already have all the Beatles stuff and Aerosmith, too. Hrmmm...WOW, ACDC!"

Amy: (Mentally banging her head on the wall) Well, gee, I have Pink Floyd on vinyl, too.

Reed: Um, what's vinyl?

Amy hangs her head, goes back to the PUZZLE, and decides life is just to insane for words.

Oh, and I HATE Styx. Whenever I hear Come Sail Away, I want to beat the radio until it's dead.

So, later in the cube farm, I decided to ask my cohorts this question:

When did you realize that:
A. You were old
or
B. You had become your parents
and
C. What did you do to keep yourself from hanging yourself right then and there?


Kathleen: When lying on the floor to watch TV hurt my ribcage and when cheeseburgers were no longer the ONLY thing on the fast food menu. Oh, and I keep forgetting things I’ve already done.

Roberta: like Ross's music selection! Um...what is wrong with Styx? I'll admit I can't think of a song that they sing, but I don't recall hating them...

A. Every day it's a new discovery for me...does that mean I'm senile?
B. I've always been a lot like my folks, mostly my mom
C. A & B have never really bothered me...could that mean I'm senile?

Kathleen: Oh, and I keep forgetting things I'’ve already done.

Phil:
A - when I was about 12.
B - I still aspire to be anti-my parents. So if I am, I'm oblivious.
C - The rope broke.

Nathan:
A. When my cousin didn't know who Mr. T was. It eventually occurred to her that he was the guy on the phone commercialal. Or maybe it was the time that my friend's then girlfriend didn't know that Paula Abdul used to be a singer.

B. When I began going to Target just for toilet paper and kitty litter and not XBox games or CDs. Or when I started going to Cub and not hitting the candy isle.

C. Someday Vanilla Ice will make his comeback!

Kathleen: Oh, and I keep forgetting things I’ve already done.

I would have asked James this question, but I don't think he's there yet, since I'm not sure what he did last night, but I think it was WAY MORE FUN that sitting at a dining room table putting together hundreds of little purple pieces of cardboard. I know he went out last night, but I'm not sure where, since he gave up asking me to go since I always say "no, but thanks for asking!" Plus, he's limping. I'd ask...but I'm afraid to know the answer so I'll just use my imagination and I bet I'll still not come close.

Personally, I think I realized I was old when I decided I'd rather stay home than go to First Avenue and go dancing. The idea of staying up past 11pm kinda freaks me out. Actually, I go out so rarely, I am on my way to becoming a recluse like my father. Do I hear a "YEA! FOR HERMITS!!"

One of the nice things about getting older is being so much more comfortable with who you are. Yes, I am still hard on myself for many, many things (anal-Virgo, remember??!!) But for the most part, I am very happy with who I am and I love my life. I am happily married (most days) and I have great kids (most days).

I've also been saving the best for last:


I FINISHED THE DAMN PUZZLE YA'LL!!!!

WOO HOO!!!!!!!!