An Open Letter to My Husband's Daughter

Dear Jessica,

I wish I knew how to tell you how important you have become to me over the past 3 and a half years. I wish I knew how to convey how I appreciate that we have become (dare, I say) friends, and that you have been able to trust me and depend on me in a way I know was extremely hard for you to do. You have had so many obstacles to overcome in your short life and then there I was, 6 foot Barbie/June, who never knows when to shut her mouth, getting pushed into your life.

Needless to say, the beginning was a bit rocky. But, we learned boundaries and you learned how to block me on IM.

I wish I could take away so much of what you have been through since you were little. I wish I could make the man you call "dad" be the person you wish he was.

I wish I could make the memories of your childhood less painful. It makes me so sad when I think of how it must have been for you growing up with your mother...and that other guy.

I wish there was a way I could make you healthy, take away the disease that continually ravages your body...and your spirit.

There are so many things you have taught me, such as, how to make rumaki, that carrot cake really is the best, that girls aren't so scary, that eyebrow waxes aren't just for everyone else, that pink is awesome, how much I like having a family member who loves to cook as much as me, and how much I wanted to have grandchildren.

Then, came Cupcake.

Cupcake didn't walk, she pranced, everywhere.

She was just the cutest ball of fuzzy black fur and, no, I never thought she looked like a bat. She was always so happy and loved to see everybody and travel everywhere. She loved Oscar and Ginger and she never knew she wasn't a wiener, too.

She was Nana's little girl and was always so well behaved when I took her out with me...something I could never do with Ginger Pye, she's a spaz when we go anywhere.

Yes, she leaked whenever she saw Grandpa for the first 6 months and had several "accidents" in the house. I never minded, she was too excited to stop playing and go outside...plus, she usually did it in Jack's room.

Cupcake was the best little dog, ever, and had the best disposition. It just is so sad that she had to be taken from you when she was so young. You deserved to have 10 more years with her.

Watching her get sick was the saddest thing I've ever seen. She just wanted to be the same perky Cupcake and she just couldn't do it anymore. It broke my heart.

I miss her and I am so sad that she can't be there for you..she always was there by your side when you were sick. The u/c, the chemo, the shoulder, she was always there to snuggle with you and stand guard.

Of all the things I wish I could change for you, I really wish you could have your precious Cupcake back, I know how much she did for healing your soul.

I can't turn back time and make things better for you in the past, but whatever I can do to help the future, whether it's making you waffles you hardly touch, painting your bedroom, or being nice to your dad for you so he'll make you a new headboard, I'm there in a heartbeat. Always.

I send this to you with all my love, as the Stepmonster.
And, if you start calling me mom, you're grounded.

Love,
Amy