Open Letter to Man at TCF Instore Branch at Southdale Cub

Dear Man with Issues,
I feel your pain, really I do. There is nothing more frustrating than waking up one morning after a drunken night in from of television info-mercials only to discover you used your bank debit card to buy "Girls Gone Wild" at 2:30am. Ok, I really don't know, but, truly, it must be awful. How did you remember you did it? Did it come to you over your Frosted Flakes that morning? Did you check your balance and discover you were $24.95 short? I honestly have to give great kudos to the bank teller who kept a straight face during your whole "Cancel it! I can't have PORN coming to my house" at such a shrieking decibel that I think even the guys over in produce heard you.
I know I was having such a very difficult time not laughing out loud at you and your non sensible rantings and raving that I almost forgot my PIN number.
Here's my advice:
Just chalk it up to your own stupidity and eat the $24.95 as a lesson learned to either:
A. Don't get drunk in front of the television in the middle of the night
B. Cancel your debit card and just go with the whole check-only thing
or
C. Just sit back and enjoy your new porno

Good Luck.

PS. To the teller that helped me, please do something about your hair. I realize you must be making something of a fashion statement since you had on a red gingham checked shirt, a black suit and a neon blue tie, but, seriously, your hair looks like someone cut gum out of it and never had it fixed. Between you and the man screaming about how interesting the "Girls Gone Wild" video looked at 2 am, I'm amazed I made it out of the bank without popping blood vessels in my face from holding in the peals of laughter.