Thursday Groovy Gravy Lesson Numero Uno

One of my oldest memories of my grandmother Edna was standing on a kitchen chair stirring her white sauce on the stove. If I stopped for any reason (having to pee didn't count since she knew I could hold water like a camel) all hell would break lose in the kitchen because the sauce might get that nasty skin on top or BURN or even spontaneously COMBUST! OH NO!
None of these things ever happened, at least in my memory, I think the worse thing that happened was my hand got numb. I look back now and wonder what in God's name I was doing because gravy doesn't require that much stirring. Since I suffer from early onset senility, I won't try to figure it out, but we'll just go forth and feel free to skip this if the last thing you want to learn is HOW TO MAKE GRAVY!!!

I married a man who believes gravy and/or sauce should accompany each and every meal with a side of bread to sop it up. Just the other day, I made a roasted chicken and 4 cups of gravy for the three of us. Jack had, maybe, a tablespoon. I had, maybe, slightly more because I put some on my mashed potatoes. Todd had 2 cups. Seriously! 2 cups on his mashed potatoes and chicken. I looked over at the flood on his plate and suggested an extra plate for the green beans so they wouldn't get lost.

There are few perfect matches in this world, but my talent for making gravy goes along perfectly with Todd's desire to consume it. That, and the bread, but that's another post.

Gravy (or sauce, whatever you prefer to call it) has only a few basic ingredients: liquid, a thickener, and seasoning. Now, we are going to start with uber basic white sauce/gravy 101. This is also my version of Edna's never-finish-stirring white sauce: 2 tablespoons of butter, melted in the pan...throw in 2 tablespoons of flour (this is called a roux) and you stir it until it starts to bubble and just barely changes to a darker color (hint: I said barely). this shouldn't take more than a minute or two over medium to medium high heat. Whisk in a cup of milk and a dash or three of salt, pepper, and nutmeg. You would rather go light on the liquid since it is SO MUCH EASIER to thin a sauce than it is to thicken it. This is your standard Norwegian white gravy. If you used olive oil for your fat instead of butter, and added a beaten egg to it, you would have Greek Bechamel.

WOW! The things we have learned!

Now, quadruple it, and that's how much I need for a normal meal.

Ok, we are going places and are moving into gravy for poultry or whatever other bird you feel like eating. Personally, I get all my meat in those cute pink packages at the grocery store. Easier to deny they were once alive that way.

Now we are going to assume you roasted said bird. Roasting has a lot to do with gravy. The thing is, we need poultry bits to make good gravy, and fat, and FLAVOR!!! So, that said, roast your bird in a pan deep enough for you to have chicken stock in the pan without it sloshing up over the side when you lift the pan in and out of the oven and don't let it dry out during roasting. I roasted our last turkey breast side down in about 3 cups of stock and flipped it over half way through cooking time so the breast darkened and stayed moist. This gave me enough liquid to make gravy, but because of Todd's desire to smother everything in gravy, I still needed more liquid, but the stuff in the cans works fine, just go with the low sodium variety, since the other stuff gets way too salty and if you use that, you might as well buy the crap in the jar.

After your bird is removed from the pan (side note here....did you know that you can roast an ENTIRE chicken in your crock pot? NO LIE! Just buy one of those flavored whole roasting chickens and put in about a cup of water in the bottom of the crock...low for 8 hours and you are DONE! Though, I like to take the lid off for the last hour so the top kinda dries out and it's not so mushy, but we know you don't eat the skin, anyway, because it's full of fat and BAD FOR YOU!!!) ok, I got lost...oh YES, remove bird from pan, and just sacrifice a couple large pot holders to the laundry for this, it's really less painful than trying to move a hot turkey around with utensils, and you already used them when you flipped the bird halfway through baking, so just tent with tin foil for a while to rest while you make the gravy. Dump entire contents into a large fat separator or a big jar. The fat will float to the top and this is what you want FIRST. Eyeball it and measure in the same amount of flour. If you were paying attention, the general amount is 2 tablespoons fat and flour to one cup liquid. Keep this in mind for HOW MUCH YOU NEED. For Todd and a turkey, I need at least 8 cups, which is 16 tablespoons of fat and flour. Yes, that is the equivalent of 2 sticks of butter, for those of you counting. I use olive oil if I don't have enough fat from the drippings. It may not really be better than butter, but it's a mental game I play with myself.

We now have a roux (did I forget to tell you it's pronounced roo?). Remember the part about cooking it until it JUST starts to darken. Then, start to add your liquid and use more chicken stock when you run out of the stuff from the pan. This is when I add seasonings...like pepper, and more salt, if needed, be sure to taste it first. I always add a few drops of liquid beef broth syrupy stuff and a couple drops of worcheshire to add some body to the gravy and so it's not too bland. You can also add poultry seasoning, or pretty much anything else that sounds good. Cooking sherry, for something different, or a bit of red or white wine will add some depth. Just keep in mind that the sauce thickens slightly as it cools and remember, it's a lot easier to make it thinner than it is to make it thicker (we aren't even going there but call me if there's a gravy emergency).

Special tip of the day: if you prep your gravy boat with HOT water for about 5 minutes prior to serving, your gravy won't get cold by the time you sit down and fight the dish away from the gravy hogs at the table.

I know, I know, this was not an exciting post, but I can't tell you how many times people have asked me how to make gravy. I have, literally, gotten into arguments with people over the difference between Bechamel and Norwegian white sauce because they are dumb and don't know I'M ALWAYS RIGHT! Ok, not always, but on this topic, most definitely.

As always, email me with questions, amyswenson@gmail.com and I will do my best to bestow upon you my vast knowledge and cooking expertise.

Also remember, I'm really just a legend in my own mind.

Have a great weekend!